Confessions (Untitled Blah vol. II)

I’ve come to a few realizations…I like to think we all do, but I dunno probably not cuz people get complacent and don’t wanna change a gawddamn thing about anything they’re doing.
but maybe, maybe some people do and they realize that that’s healthy. It’s healthy to grow and change because if you don’t then you’re just staying static and that’s bad.

Know what happens when water stays static? Fuckin’ mosquitoes. Don’t be a cesspool. Be open-fuckin’ minded about shit. Weird thing, maybe a bit uncharacteristic, but, uh, this is actually incredibly relevant to everything I’m about to come forward with and that was not originally my intention, but here it goes anyway.

So, I’m surrounded by millennials (my generation) they’re stupid and they suck…k that wasn’t it.

Here it actually is.  I’m an asshole. I’ve said this before, but yeah, I’m sayin’ it again, know why? Cuz I’m an asshole. And, like, I’m totally ok with that. Lemme tell you why, buckle down, shit’s about to get real.

So, I’m about 50 percent asshole, the other 50 percent is comprised of what makes me an awesome person (my karaoke voice, my shameless-yet-moderately-endearing-goofiness, my ability to make staring into space relatively attractive). Of course, the only proof I have that these attributes are acceptable in social situations is that no one has punched me in the face for no reason…yet.

I’ve shared this sentiment with a couple people whose opinions I value and the response is the same “Oh you’re not an asshole. You’re just–” Imma stop you there, yes, I am

The thing is, I’m not the asshole you don’t like…catch that? Meaning, I’m the quirky, goofy, mess of a human being that you enjoy having around because my inherent snarkiness makes you smile and you don’t know why. I’ve begun to know why, and I have my mother to thank for the example she set.

I’ve stopped caring what people think about me and I’ve just been me. What you see is what you get. It’s incredibly liberating and I wish I had the opportunities to express this more often, to, like, actual people, in, like actual, real-life. I could go on about my personal manifesto, but I would be getting too preachy. What I REALLY wanted to say and the reason for the title of this portion of my interwebbal (it’s a word now) amphigory (actual word, look it up, it’s one of my favorites and completely relevant)…

Is that, in the past, especially when I was growing up and learning how to conduct myself as a man, I’ve been a DICK. Which is not an asshole. I’ve been a stupid boy to the girls in my life, to the friends in my life, to the gays in my life. I’ve never been a bully. I despise bullies. But I haven’t been especially considerate of my actions in the past.

I’m sorry. An apology might not be warranted, but I’m sorry either way. If anyone I’ve wronged is out there and wants to talk with me about it, I currently find myself in a very humble and docile state and would make for fantastic conversation.

I will HENCEFORTH be an advocate against the shittiness of people being shitty to each other.
I’ve found that I LOVE calling people out for being shitty even if it’s not exactly in a way that they understand. If I know I can get away with it, I’m condescending as fuck, especially if I know someone can’t handle grating sarcasm. And I do this on purpose. That’s how you can tell I’m not having fun. This is why I’m an asshole. Best part about that?
I’m YOUR asshole.
Ya, not better. I’m working on it.
Only thing I want you to think about after I leave you here is all the “nice guys” there are out there, and think about how they act towards their people…hmm??
Don’t think too hard.
Imma do a little research, and next time we’ll talk about the mutherfucker who wrote the “How to approach a woman wearing headphones” article.
until then.

Cheers, beautiful people,






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