Ladies, my loves, darlings, beautiful, strong, independent women…this one is for you…you can slap me if you see fit. Now, I know you don’t need to hear it from me, but I don’t know, maybe you do.
but…
Be slutty. It’s ok. I’m telling you it’s ok. People will NOT have the same feelings as me. And you don’t have to go out and do the slut thing if you don’t want to. Neither am I saying that NOR am I saying that ALL females have to be slutty to express their femininity. Different things work for different women and not all ladies like feeling like that. And you never have to do anything you don’t want to do.  BUT if ever you do feel like letting down your hair, putting on your three inch wedges and little black dress, or whatever the alternative is that makes you feel awesome… I’m telling you to fuckin’ do it and don’t feel bad about it, not even a little bit, not even at all.

In today’s society that is crawling with Douchebags who crawl all over you with their eyes (I’m sorry, that’s an awful visual but it’s true) most men are hounds ESPECIALLY when it comes to someone (particularly female, but this works for dudes too, I know I’M a slut sometimes) that they deem slutty.
To them (and to almost everyone) “Sluttiness” is given to a human who (they think they know) will be sexually active without any regard of whom they are sexing with and in that endeavor choose to dress accordingly. Isn’t that it?
Slut equals someone who dresses like they wanna bang and bangs a lot…right?…rightright? ….uugghhh *facepalm*

Let me ask you this…how do you define a hipster? Some dude with a beard and a manbun, right? oh, YOU have a beard and a manbun?…well, are you a hipster? hmm? no?

THEN WHY ARE YOU BEING SO FUCKING SHALLOW
deeper…deeeepppeeerrrr…think haaarrdeerrr (open your mind to me…oppeeenn your miiiinnnddd..[reference? anyone?])
Fuckin OPEN UP DUDE!

*some mutherfucker in the back* {Well what’s YOU’RE definition asshole?}

Me: *pointing* “You wanna know, mutherfucker!? You gotta use the correct form of ‘your’ jackass!”
WITNESS ME BLOODBAG

While the term “slut” might indeed pertain to someone (we’ll be particular in saying that she’s a female. What? I’m straight) who:
1) engages in sex (mutherfucking *gasp* [it’s 2016 people, get with it])
2) dresses like she (k fine, OR he) may or may not like to engage in sex
3) might act/dance/speak/walk/run/exercise/fuddlewuckin promiscuously
4) participate in anything else that someone might deem as “slutty”

Guess what…I kinda like it. And I have a theory as to why YOU (universally, I’m not calling anyone out here…yet) think/feel otherwise.
But lets start with why I FUCKIN’ DIG the SHIT out of you, strawberry-slut-cake. hashtag winky-tonguey-stickey-outey face.

I dig you because you’re doing you and you don’t give a shit what people think, or say about you (unless you bitch about it, then I have my doubts) NEVERTHELESS I dig it. You’re doing what you do, you’re flaunting what you’re given, and you’re kinda hotter when you’re being safe about it and ACTUALLY NOT banging random people who wear too much fragrance because they offered you a ride in their Bentley (that they’re going to be paying off for the next hundred and fifty years, but that’s none of my business).

But your hotness isn’t about the sex you do or do not have, or act like you have. Your hotness comes from your confidence. See, I correlate “sluttiness” with a thing called “confidence” (douchebags know what I’m talkin’ about, only theirs is fake…the fucksticks).
Confidence and a Free-Spirit. Something of a Goddess, even. (Not putting you on a pedestal, you don’t have to fuckin impress me if you don’t want to) I’m saying I admire you.

Of course, I’m definitely NOT saying that confidence and free-spiritedness is only manifested in the realm of slutiness. Anyone can be either and/or both of those things. This weird rant is not aimed at those who engage in a relationship and have set guidelines as to how their slutiness is to be expressed. I’m speaking as one straight, single guy to all the single girls who have been berated for being “slutty.”
I enjoy your sluttiness, and I don’t know if I will ever not enjoy it.

The theory that I have about why douchebags try to demean women by calling them sluts is that they do it because THEY”RE PISSED OFF THAT THEY CAN”T BE WITH THEM BECAUSE THEY”RE DOUCHEBAGS. No, that’s not how that works.
She’s a slut (ugggh hashtag heart eyes) and YOU can’t fuckin handle it because you KNOW she’s better than you and YOU CAN”T HAVE HER BECAUSE YOU DON”T FALL WITHIN HER BEAUTIFUL SLUT CIRCLE. YOU. CAN”T. SIT. WITH. HER.
and that makes you mad, so you try to put her down because you’re not confident enough in yourself.
It all comes swinging back to you, douchebags, like the gawddamn tire-swing from hell. And that’s where bullying starts. Especially across the letters of a keyboard, which is what the world has come to. Oh well. If bullies are wolves, that makes me a sheepdog, I suppose.
Imma keep giving love to all the beautiful sluts all over the world and you KNOW WHAT, you. can’t. stop. me. Here’s a little list of all the “sluts” I will always love.
The Suicide Girls, The GirlsonGlass Girls, The Ladies at Jumbo’s Clown Room, The Ladies of The Little Miss Nasty burlesque show and all burlesque dancers for that matter, Exotic Dancers, Strippers, Go-Go dancers, Playmates, Hometown Hotties, any and EVERY female who has ever posed in a bikini, or lingerie set professionally or because they were just feeling hott. Any female who decided to dress in a slutty costume for halloween. Any female who has ever dressed slutty anywhere just for the fun of it. Any female who has ever been called a harlot, hussy, tramp, whore, skank, sloot, foul seductress or ANYTHING pertaining to or relating to that with intent to hurt.
I love you.

I hope your feathers are sufficiently ruffled, tell me if they are, I’ll see you next time.

Cheers, beautiful people,
TOSWG

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