This post probably won’t be Safe for Work, as in NSFW. Get it? Fantastic.

Turns out writing is fuckin’ tough, man. It’s not like a job that you can just roll in, bleary eyed, and sit down, type your words, get paid and be done with it. There’s a leeeettle bit more to it, and I’m starting to discover that.

I mean, whatever, right? I’m gonna be honest, I really cannot see myself doing anything else…wait, what do you mean I’m not getting paid for this?

For this vocation to work-cuz, you know, that’s what it is, anyone in their right and proper mind wouldn’t CHOOSE this. But maybe we’re all mad here…

I guess what I’m REALLY trying to say is that I was REALLY stoked about opening up this little corner of the interwebs so I set my posting goal just a leeeettle (I really like that word) too high. So here it is, the final writing schedule Let’s see if we can consistently keep it to Wed-nes-days and Saturdays, eh?

SO whilst my upstairs neighbor’s children continue to STOMP their little feet across the ENTIRETY of the floor (MY ceiling) as fast as they fuckin’ can while SCREAMING ABSOLUTE NONSENSE at the TOP of their tiny, little lungs until they disorient themselves…I’ll be here, disgruntled, pumping out words.

Let’s talk about the “nice guy” shall we? Yes. Yes, let’s.

Here’s something for all the “nice guys” out there……MAN THE FUCK UP. sorry, I didn’t mean that…

Yes I did.

Ok, lemme take a step back. Because someone can go on and on and on and on…and on…about the phrase “Man the Fuck Up” there’s an incredibly classy, kind of old-fashioned website devoted to it called “The Art of Manliness” I recommend it, it’s one of my favorites. But that’s not what we’re talking about. We’re talking about the “nice guys” out there.

In my opinion, (which may or may not mean anything considering the vastness of the multiverse) this Millennial day in age holds two types of “nice guys” the Nice-Guy Douchebags and the Nice-Guy Pansy. The difference, as it usually is, is how each conducts himself around whomever he’s attracted to.

The Nice-Guy Douchebag will conduct himself just like any other douchebag…in fact, now that I think of it, the Nice-Guy Douchebag is still just a douchebag; only after the assertion of his douchebaggery does he PROCLAIM (falsely) to be a “nice guy”

Example: A guy expresses interest in a person. That person is not interested rejected guy COMPLETELY overreacts. I only know this because I’ve seen it.

Girl: “Oh, I’m flattered, but no thank you…”
Guy: “w/e bitch, fuck u anyway ur so fuckin stuck up you had a chance with a NICE GUY like me, but w/e u fucked that up for urself lol”

Let’s just clear something up, I NEVER take “lol” seriously…never.

Secondly, yes, essentially that is what will happen. This weird phenomenon where dudes think it’s ok to bash a girl because he isn’t confident enough to take her rejection.

Fuck that, and fuck you, douche, go play lead guitar in your metal-core band.

Ugh.

NEXTLY, and FINALLY, (thank gawd) is the Nice-Guy Pansy. This is the “nice guy” who’s too mice for his own good. We’ve all met him, I guess think George McFly, Marty’s dad in Back to the Future…or…if you’ve committed the unthinkable and HAVE NEVER SEEN BACK TO THE FUTURE 1) watch it and 2) then I guess think of, oh I dunno, a cupcake that’s too sweet.

…what? you don’t eat cupcakes? Not even gluten-free. dairy free, pasture-raised, vegetarian carrot-cake cupcakes?

Then I, uh, I dunno…the door is that way…

but you get it, right? TOO nice. The flaw in THIS “nice guy” is that he’s a whiner. He’ll complain about lack of attention from girls or guys or whomever and he won’t know that it’s because everyone just wants to be his friend and almost no one wants to see him naked …except for that really sweet girl who works at the frozen yogurt shop. she might.

Anyways,  what I’m gettin’ at is that, if you HAD to choose one and only one, it is better to be the “nice guy” as opposed to the bad boy (this conclusion is purely based on the karma factor, in which I starkly believe) BUT the trick is, as it is with EVERYTHING, is that there has to be a balance. Balance the nice guy with the bad boy and you get someone who knows how to respect people, but you also get someone who knows and feels when that primal attraction kicks in. Find a balance. It’s better with both. You can be the nice guy and still not finish last.

 

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