I gotta be honest; definitely been droppin’ the ball with this consistency thing. I guess that’s life but I also I think I’ve been sick.

Like, physically. I already know I’m twisted in my head. That’s evident.

But I say I think I’ve been sick because I haven’t ACTUALLY been out of commission. My body has just been taking the necessary precautions to ensure that I do not, in fact, succumb to the day to day hazards of the human condition…

You know, germs ‘n shit

Or maybe I’ve been asking too much of myself. Too many days bitchin’ about shit is unhealthy…or is it the healthiest thing ever…? Fuck man, I don’t know. Anyways, if you haven’t guessed by now the language in this post will not be appropriate in a professional environment…once again, NOT the environment I wanna be in.

Alright, this one is layin’ in out on the proverbial clothesline and encompasses everyone involved.

If I call you, text you, email you, Instagram DM you, Snap you, Kik you or try to get a hold of you on any and every form of social media and/or communicatory (might be a word) platform and what I said warrants a response, and I don’t receive a response…

…you’re dead.

This is not to be confused with the phrase “you’re dead to me” because the latter specifically holds the notion that I, in fact, know you’re alive and choose not to acknowledge this detail.

No, I don’t get an answer within 12 hours of my initial outreaching, you’ve died, and the only possible way you can reanimate yourself is to contact me in some way, shape, or form.

Carrier pigeon is the preferred media.

For the sake of argument and keeping things interesting, we’ll remain within the dating realm (i.e. if some guy/girl is trying to get a hold of some other guy/girl in the interest of getting to know said guy/girl and also maybe, subliminally, to see the guy/girl in question without any clothes on).

It is unfortunately necessary sometimes (ok…most times) to distance yourself from someone who you no longer want to be affiliated with. And the only way to do that is to cut off communication completely. The most common way to do THAT is to LITERALLY not talk to the person…at all…on anything…ever. This means, no calls, texts, emails, snaps, DMs, chats, or kiks despite how much the other party might try to get into contact.

Like I said, most times this is unfortunately necessary even if you’ve told the person in question GENUINELY “Hey, I’m glad to have met you but I don’t think this is going to work out.” Sometimes you just don’t have chemistry and that’s TOTALLY ok.

I want to reiterate that (shh, listen): NOT HAVING CHEMISTRY WITH SOMEONE ELSE IS OK. You’re not supposed to. Jeezus..could you imagine? That’d be exhausting.

I understand, (since, it seems, we’re actually, talking about me this time around); I’m kind of a dork. I’m kind of a geek, and I’m DEFINITELY fuckin’ weird (I’m a creep I’m a weirdo what the fuck am I doin’ here).

I am not everyone’s cup of coffee. I mean, I could be the richest, boldest, darkest (HA!) smoothest roast of espresso bean this side of the western hemisphere…but there are still A LOT of girls who aren’t going to dig espresso (they can’t handle the ‘kick’ hashtag winkyface…[I’m a dork])

You could be INSANELY HOTT to one person and someone else still isn’t going to like the way your face looks, or they’re gonna think you’re too skinny, or too muscular, or any number of other things because people (myself included) are shallow, and superficial…at face value (see what I did there?) You could be the richest, smoothest, creamiest avocado of the bunch, and someone still isn’t going to like avocados (by the way, RUN, you don’t need that kind of negativity in your life).

There is one rule that I have with regards to trying to get a hold of someone, and that is the four strike rule (because three is too few and baseball is boring). You have four chances to try to connect or re-connect with someone before you move on (and If you have to move on, it’s ok, their loss). If you call, text, email, blah, blah, blah, or blah on 4 SEPARATE occasions without any type of response (regardless of the time that it took to receive that response) then let it go (NO!…STOP SINGING). Persistence is admirable, it shows a sincere desire to want to see someone, but OVER persistence equals creepiness. If someone doesn’t make an effort to communicate with you, then they don’t deserve your effort. It’s healthy to move on. Someone somewhere will DIG avocados.

Oh and with regards to communication (DICK PICS ARE NOT VIABLE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE. PUT IT AWAY AND TIE YOUR GRAY SWEATPANTS TIGHT ENOUGH TO CUT OFF THE CIRCULATION TO YOUR GENITALS BECAUSE IF YOU”RE SENDING UNSOLICITED PICTURES OF YOUR CACK, YOU DON”T DESERVE TO CARRY ONE)

Imma end on that note. We’ll resume THAT thought the next time around.

Cheers, Beautiful People,

TOSWG

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