I would like to start by stating that there is good crazy and there is bad crazy. Normalcy is an illusion. It’s also relative. There’s a thing that says “…blah blah blah…normal…blah blah…because what’s ‘normal’ for the spider is chaos for the fly.” Essentially it’s a proverb that says that “normalcy” is relative/subjective…

Am I already repeating myself? Shoot, prolly… I said it, I’ll say it again (and, you know, probably again) there is GOOD crazy and there is BAD crazy.

Examples:

GOOD crazy will accidentally make eye contact with another driver sitting at a red light while belting out its favorite song and CONTINUE looking that person in the eye until the light turns green, regardless of the seething awkwardness that both parties feel.

There’s no such thing as an awkward situation, only awkward people. (I’m will reiterate that MANY times. Keep a tally. Cuz it’s true).

BAD crazy has the potential to be scary. Bad crazy will break into your apartment and take pictures of your empty bed, then TEXT the pictures in question to you wondering where you are and why you didn’t come home last night. Don’t ask me how I know this…ok ok ok, it happened to a friend of mine. BAD crazy will ALSO receive said texts, show me, get really scared…then decide that the only way to remedy the situation is to go to Disneyland with the person who broke into their apartment.

Good. Great. Fine. No, yeah, I’ll just go fuck myself.

Oh yeah, whatever you do, DO NOT use this post as a slide for your powerpoint presentation at work, as it is Not Safe For a Work environment. (NSFW)

“Why do you fuckin’ do that to yourself?” I’ve asked many times.

(By the way this rant was inspired by my insanely pretty roommate…I probably should’ve delivered that a little more tactfully. Only an IDIOT would admit something like that to everyone within the realm of the interwebs)…

Oh, wait.

Welp, can’t unsay it (I can, in fact, choose to go back and push the little ‘delete’ key until the words disappear) I CHOOSE NOT TO…HA! Anyways, if you’re reading, and you know who you are, cuz our other roommate is a dude, and I’m just not into dudes…

you’re pretty…there, sorry about not being sorry…moving on.

And I have had explicit permission from said pretty roommate that I may rant about the dealings in her life. So here’s to her and the awesome craziness that is so applicable to EVERYONE WHO WAS EVER INVOLVED WITH A CRAZY PERSON…EVER.

*re-composing hair slick* …almost lost my cool there.

One of the things that my pretty roommate tells me (well, told me. She no longer talks to the dude from my understanding) is that she’s got (had) this thing with this dude where they’ve kinda dated but not really (which means, essentially, that they’ve seen each other naked but not done too much else about it. I’ve been there. I get it.) on and off for two (count ’em, 2) years. (to my understanding, of course. I’m probably about 87% wrong regarding the accuracy of the details).

Either way, she continues to tell me how she’s bummed about how he’s not committing to her and how he’s seeing other girls as well as her but she doesn’t want that, and it’s getting to the point where she’s talking to him but he’s not responding. She then says [and I would LOVE to reiterate that she has given me her permission] “Yeah, he kinda pushes me to the point where I get a little crazy.”

And that’s ok, people do that to people. In fact, Britney Spears sang a song about it. If Britney said it, then it’s totally an actual thing. But why do you/would you/continue to…do that to yourself?

This isn’t the first time I’ve heard something like this either. I hear shit like this from most of my pretty friendgirls (as opposed to girlfriends cuz, well, I’m not gay), most of whom I’d so totally date the fuck out of, (wow, confession day today).

They tell me that they don’t understand why the guys they pick are losers/mean/hypocritical/psychopathic/manipulative/shitheads etc. (you know, mix ‘n match) and the only answer I can provide for them is:

“Well, because guys suck.” I would know. I’m a guy.

The only other form of advice I can give them (or anyone) is that you gotta find someone whose suckery is, well, somewhat endearing. To find someone who you can come up to at any given time and genuinely say “honey, it’s kinda cute when you do (thing) but it drives me nuts sometimes,” and their answer would/could/should go something like “Of course, babe, I didn’t even realize it.” And you communicate, and everyone is happy in their own crazy world of lunacy.

I’m tired of hearing about guys or girls being around guys or girls and saying OUT LOUD “I don’t know why I put up with it…”

THEN FUCKING DON”T.

Don’t put up with it. Choose (as I have chosen to bare my soul on this fateful Wed-nes-day) not to put up with it. You need neither that NEGATIVITY nor that SHIT in your life. And if you feel you are, as Steph Myer once said “hopelessly, and irrevocably in love with…(blahgadyblahgadyfucknblah)” [did I just reference fuckin’ Twilight?] then, I would advise you, strongly, and professionally and in any, way, shape, or form to step away from the situation. Life is too full of unforeseen and sometimes cripplingly stressful events to WILLINGLY PUT YOURSELF into a situation of that negative variety.

The ability to step away, no matter how difficult, speaks a magnitude about someone’s self-confidence. Which is one of very few things you are ALLOWED to have in this life.

So be confident [Atreyu] don’t put up with the shit that drives you to bad crazy.

Bad crazy stalks people. Bad crazy is the naked tweaker running against on-coming traffic waving a massive, wobbly, neon-green, double-sided dildo above his head, valiantly demanding a trial-by-combat to each Prius as it hums passed him at 73 miles per gallon.

Try to un-see that.

Be good crazy. Good crazy drives down to San Diego from Simi Valley just for a burrito. Good crazy is loud at all the right times. Good crazy kisses EVERYONE. Good crazy will accept you for exactly who you are, know why? Cuz we’re all mad here (reference mic-drop).

*POP…feedback, people upset, baby crying, security called, yelled at by the sound guy for dropping his equipment*

 

As always, if you wanna talk about things or just bitch at me for being wrong, leave me a comment…then, you know, subscribe anyway cuz deep down you like what I have to say about shit.

Cheers, beautiful people,

TOSWG

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