As I research the title ‘Warrior Poet,’ I find nothing.

To be expected. Most of the internet doesn’t give a shit about stuff that could be referenced to help things make more sense for this Millennial age that we live in. But by urban dictionary definition…

(I scroll passed the “Become an Uber driver” advertisement from which the website actually makes its money.).

…'”Warrior Poet” is a term that was coined at the end of the movie “Braveheart”‘ (excellent film) and it means…no, I’m going to stop right there. Because the phrase wasn’t “coined at the end of Braveheart,” it’s been around for good a while and the definition of a Warrior Poet is much deeper than the half-assed crap written by some frat bro who took a Gen. Ed. Lit. class one time, squeaked by with a “C,” and needed something to define his intramural flag-football program. I’ll let you search it yourself.

It’s not a terrible definition, but it magnifies the superficiality of my Millennial generation. (O Discordia! how I’ve come to despise that word Millennial).

The thing about the Urban Dictionary is that ANYONE can create ANYTHING within the realm of literature. Most of it is shit that was written by a someone thinking the exact same thing that I think to myself on the daily, “Fuck, I can write this.” Sometimes they (I) can. Sometimes they (I) do.

But sometimes, sometimes, sometimes (and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow) someone gets it right and what they create is beautiful. AND THAT is the definition of a Warrior Poet; continuing on in the face of insurmountable odds. Victory and Defeat are relative and subjective. The only thing that matters is the attitude you keep and the decisions you make.

I’ve made my decision.

I will continue to write and express and create but I will do so on different terms. The title of this platform is supposed to be ironic (sure, you can blame the hipsters) because as a heterosexual, white male in our world as it stands, there isn’t a lot to complain about. Of course, there are those who find things to complain about (hashtag first world problems) but we can discuss those on a separate occasion. For now, I will provide you with the necessary legal disclaimer regarding the shtuff (I know what I said) that will be added on to this little slice of internet paradise.

This page will include, but is certainly not limited to writing/rants/musings about: sexuality, the media, politics, grocery shopping, wearing kilts, over-use of the words “literally” and “sorry” things that happen to me in my life. Things I write that are not a part of this “theme” I’ve sanctioned for this platform, (un)intentional lack of punctuation, profanity, sexy stuff, proper use of the word “fuck” and its variants, stupid grammatical errors, intentionally misspelling words for comic effect, why I STILL can’t understand the difference between Affect and Effect, inspirational things, lamentational things, things that should be talked about with strangers in a dive bar, things that most definitely SHOULD NOT be talked about with strangers in a dive bar, the power of karaoke, the deliciousness of whole milk, the illuminati, how much coffee is too much coffee, dating apps, dating sites, dating and how much it sucks, people and how much THEY suck (myself included), people and how AWESOME they can be, optimism, pessimism, not-ruffling-any-feathers..uh..ism. RUFFLING EVERYONE”S FEATHERSSISM…HOW WHEN I TYPE IN CAPITALS I”M YELLING IN MY HEAD…how sometimes we all just need to tone it down a notch or two…or three, tattoos, lycanthropy…

and the things and stuff in between, around and orbiting any and all ideas within the realm of the labyrinth of the human mind.

Proclaiming oneself a Warrior Poet should not be done. It is a title that should be given…like a nickname…only some nicknames suck. Being a Warrior Poet does not suck. I’ve decided you may proclaim me as such, but only if I am worthy.

I will finish by warning all of my readers, continuous and potential, that things will get gritty. You may not like what I say, and that’s OK, no one said you had to, but I’m going to write it anyway, and if I’ve ruffled your feathers…well, if I’ve done that much then I suppose I’ve done my job. I’ll sit in my favorite coffee shop and wait for the men in black (another great film) to take me away.

Cheers, beautiful people,



4 thoughts on “Enter The Offended Straight White Guy (An ode to the Urban Warrior Poet)

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